Why I'm Not Cutting Off Trump Voters

Destroying networks of care will delight our oppressors

Going into this Thanksgiving week, we are all furious that so many Americans have voted for Trump, knowing now with absolutely no excuses that he is a criminal, a convicted felon, a rapist, a man so completely unworthy of the office that I can’t really believe it is happening again.

It is hard to understand how the people in our lives could vote for him, with all of this information so clearly available. Many people online have argued that the only moral and reasonable response on our part is to block Trump supporters, cut them out of our lives, boycott vacationing or traveling to red states.

And I understand and support these positions, especially for pregnant people traveling to places with abortion bans, or if those Trump supporters are terrible, abusive people, if they are themselves sexual predators, if they fully understand that they voted for white supremacy and did so gladly. I have none of those people in my life, purposefully, and would happily block them if so.

I also understand that learning that someone has voted for Trump clearly identifies them as a threat, especially if you yourself are anything but a rich, straight, white man. I went to Detroit a couple of weeks ago for the National Women’s Studies Association conference, and gazed longingly at Windsor, Canada across the river. I long for a stable, multiethnic democracy that isn’t patriarchal or capitalist (not that Canada is there yet, but in a much better position from this side of the border).

The national Trump vote makes things clear, that we’re nowhere near that ideal. But the country we had on election day is the same country we have now, with billionaire oligarchs controlling the media, with white supremacist groups on the rise, with Christian nationalists passing abortion bans that make women’s healthcare worse and guarantee more women will die. The fight is now harder, obviously, without a Harris/Walz executive branch, but it is still the same fight.

And to fight it we will need each other. It will mean collective organizing and political action, of course, and there are many Trump voters that will not join us. But there are some that might. This is not a call to offer absolution, but a call to be strategic, and to realize there are so many Americans who simply do not understand what is happening, who have internalized patriarchal and capitalist norms, who really are blind to MAGA ideology. So many Americans that have now lived in that bubble that they can’t recognize it for what it is. Those of us who are educators can fight against it, but not if we retreat into our own circles, with complete disregard and disdain.

But we will also need each other if Musk and his minions are successful in slashing the social safety net. I already live in a state where that net is thin, and where government offers little aid, people must turn to each other to help. We should be reaching out to help those who need resources, even if they voted against their own interests. We cannot turn our backs on the most vulnerable, both because we must do what we can to relieve suffering in our own communities, but also because collective attention to care improves the lives of us all.

To argue for cutting off family members and friends, while understandably necessarily for some people, also assumes either a position of privilege or extreme sacrifice. The labor of Trump voters allows me to have a job and a family. Because I live in an area of the country where a majority of people voted for Trump, to eliminate those people from my life might have to look like an isolationist homestead where I do all the labor with a few Democratic friends (there are plenty of times in history, and currently, when folks did set up these separatist spaces, and if possible, I think they can be live saving). These people help me, and I am grateful.

SC election results from the NYT.

I also think it is short sighted to cut people out of our lives, when those people have their own networks that we can also care for. I want to be there for current and future children, if they need me to offer scientific sex education, or if they are struggling with their gender identity in an oppressively binary sex/gender system (the South). Cutting off their parents means cutting myself off from them. Because I am a white, middle class woman, married to a man, with a lot of educational privilege, I feel I am the one to stay. To stay here, to stay in these relationships.

I am not advocating this position for everyone, and I am so sympathetic to the people who want to be able to cut themselves off from toxic relationships but cannot. I imagine how hard it is to work somewhere with Trump supporters who gleefully celebrate the victory, knowing that quitting is impossible for economic survival. Everyone should be able to protect themselves, but so many will not be able to, and I want to stay as a part of networks that can offer that support.

And so if you have the privilege to live in communities and states where you can create these networks without Trump supporters, I am happy for you, and I hope that the people who desperately need those networks can find you, and that you will offer them aid. For those of us in (most) parts of America, these decisions will have to be strategic, and will come at cost. Let us not celebrate a separatist position as the only moral reaction to a victory so many of us never wanted, and let us not allow partyism destroy what we need to bring to the fight: each other.