A Feminist Wish List

We might not have equal rights yet, but here's some fun ideas for presents

Full confession: I’m not into princesses, and I just can’t get into musical theater. So my maternal devotion was in full effect last weekend when I took Ellie, our four year old, to see the South Carolina Children’s Theater’s production of Cinderella (the Rogers and Hammerstein version). Despite all the singing, it was really fabulous, and Ellie and her friend clearly loved all the costume changes. I did love the Fairy Godmother disguised as a witch and social outcast, and that Cinderella earned her fancy clothes and shoes by being kind and accepting.

I wish we could call up a feminist fairy godmother this year to grant us our long wish list, like bodily autonomy, equal political representation, equal pay, parental leave, reasonable expectations for working mothers, abortion access, the passage of the ERA, the demise of the heteropatriarchal colonial gender system, you know, the usual. I am happy we get to celebrate the passage of the Respect for Marriage Act, just approved by the House and on the cusp of becoming law.

Photo courtesy of Barack Obama’s Facebook post December 8th, 2022. Thanks, Obama.

Aside from the few good pieces of news, there seems to be a collective sense that it’s a long road ahead. A number of friends polled about this wish list longed for a break, for rest, for wine, for reprieve from the double shifts of working full time and caregiving in the time that was left. We know self-care won’t solve the problems we face, but it’s a radical act nonetheless. Along those lines, consider a copy of Rest Is Resistance: A Manifesto and maybe a nice candle to go with it.

I’m always slightly suspicious that self-care products quickly become ways to look more beautiful for the male gaze (also consider a copy of Women Don’t Owe You Pretty) but this woman-owned business in Asheville crafting plant-based skincare really does feel good for the soul. And, if you’ve been thinking the gendering of fragrance is weird, Boy Smells has got you covered. Although Burnout argues that self-care isn’t the answer, might still make a good present for anyone suffering from the #1 Malaise of 2022.

I also remain suspicious about fashion but appreciate that it can be as much about performing the self as it is about conforming to gendered expectations of beauty. And why not wear your politics on your sleeve, or um, sweater, with the classic Sleigh the Patriarchy knitwear from The Outrage? Many designers are starting to drop the boy/girl divisions (finally, it really is just a marketing ploy to sell more clothes, see: history of children’s wear), and Wild Fang is just so fun.

Maybe you’ve been thinking even the construction of time is patriarchal? Get the We’Moon calendar to reimagine your body in relation to the heavens and earth.

For the young feminists in your life: Rebel Girls.

And you know I’m mostly just going to recommend books. Here’s a few that give us an escapist feel for women throwing off their shackles and having some real power: The Power, in which girls discover they have the ability to electrocute men with their hands, and how this changes the whole gender system. Two I haven’t read but look like similar reveries: The Change and When Women Were Dragons.

If you’re looking for the more bizarre, I can’t stop thinking about Nightbitch and how it captures the claustrophobia of the early days of parenting (with a cutting depiction of useless husbands). I’m not sure if Nightbitch’s author, Rachel Yoder, knows Monica Awad but their books could be cousins. Check out Awad’s All’s Well, about a woman with a chronic illness trying to direct Shakespeare, or the truly marvelous  and very dark depiction of a struggling MFA student in Bunny. Both feel really witchy.

For one of the archetypical witches, read Circe, if you haven’t already. It’s my favorite of what is now a long list of women rewriting classical Greek literature. If you’re up for reading The Odyssey to understand Circe even better, now you can read the first ever translation by a woman into English. Ever. Isn’t that crazy?

There is some speculation that the mysterious Italian novelist Elena Ferrante could be a man, but I don’t care, I love her books anyway. Recommend The Lost Daughter, then you can watch the really compelling film adaptation with Olivia Colman. Also recommend the My Brilliant Friend novels, especially because men are peripheral and female friendship takes center stage. The HBO miniseries adaptation of the novels is gorgeous filmmaking and feels like a free trip to Naples. French writer Annie Ernaux won the Nobel Prize for literature, so I’m thinking of reading her work (en français!) over the break. If you don’t read French, thank a literary translator and pick up some copies in English.

Speaking of literary translators, my good friend Jamie Richards recommends Screaming on the Inside: The Unsustainability of American Motherhood, Ejaculate Responsibly (I just read this and it’s a paradigm shift for sure, give some copies to all your feminists who might have questions about what to do with their sperm). And Liana Finck’s cartoons Let There Be Light: The Real Story of Her Creation.

There is so much wonderful nonfiction out there but I haven’t been reading it lately. Imani Perry’s South to America: A Journey Below the Mason-Dixon Line to the Heart of America just won the National Book Award, and will probably be banned by Moms for Liberty for representing real things.

When I’m feeling especially down, Mary Oliver’s poetry buoys the spirit. I know Sarah Cooper in real life and she’s one of my role models. She’s also a stunning Southern queer poet, you’ll love 89%. Another Southerner, who I heard read in person once and it has just stuck with me forever: Natasha Trethewey. And Ada Limón, a U.S. Poet Laureate. Anyone who has talked poetry with me knows I’m a huge Anne Carson fangirl—she’s one of my favorite translators from Greek and a stunning poet. Check out this painfully exquisite depiction of a marriage falling apart.

And of course, don’t forget to support your local and national feminist presses. You can gift a subscription to Ms. Magazine. To stay up to date on goings on further to the north in Canada, read Herizons.

Support women-owned businesses by buying gift cards. In Greenville, some of my favorites are Bar Margaret, Bohème Salon, and M. Judson booksellers.

Donations to nonprofits like Carolina Abortion Fund or the Yellowhammer Fund in honor of your favorite feminist will continue the ongoing fight to help women here in the South access healthcare.

Or, just a book to make some yummy things: the new Smitten Kitchen just dropped. And some tea to go with it.

Any more gift-giving suggestions? Or just something you wish would come true? Drop them in the comments! And please share the newsletter with all your feminist gift-giving friends!